my first day on the ropes Imagine a volunteering gig where your only job is to spend your days hanging out with a couple good friends while walking a cute and cuddly dog through the Bolivian jungle. "Sounds great, sign me up!" you say? Not so fast... replace that cuddly dog with Balu, a fully-grown male Andean bear with a serious addiction to coca leaves and backpacks. Next, swap those good friends with a couple dudes you've just met, neither of which are in any way qualified to be working with a bear. Finally, factor in Balu's cunning and constant desire to catch you and engage in a very one-sided wrestling match. Still sound like fun? Glad to see that great minds think alike!
Before you slip into your rubber boots and plunge headfirst into the jungle, check out the following survival tips:
Before you slip into your rubber boots and plunge headfirst into the jungle, check out the following survival tips:
Check your common sense at the door
"let me out, I'm HUNGRY!" You and your two newly met teammates are about to release a three-hundred pound bear from his reinforced steel and brick enclosure with nothing but a ten meter rope and a backpack full of peanuts, fruit, and a quadruple-sealed bag of coca leaves (only to be used in SERIOUS emergencies) to keep him under control. Such a feat requires either nerves of steel or, more likely, blissful ignorance. Take things one day at a time, and keep in mind that in his eight years at Comunidad Inti Wara Yassi, a wildlife refuge in Bolivia, Balu's never injured a volunteer to the point of needing stitches (the same can’t be said for a few unlucky coca-fueled construction workers).
Don't get caught
Balu is quite playful, and one of his favourite games is trying to catch his volunteers (just to play, don't worry...?). He's also smarter than he looks, and will try to catch you off guard with a surprise sprint forward, a quick run back, or, on his more devious days, a surprise sprint forward followed by a quick run back (a combo which can catch even the most careful of volunteers off guard). Whether Balu's simply feeling playful or, god forbid, angry or frustrated, and despite everyone's insistence that he won't do any serious harm, you DO NOT want to get caught. Although Balu's likely to catch you at least once over the course of your month-long volunteering gig, do your best to avoid this, as it's pants-shittingly terrifying and will likely leave your favourite jungle wardrobe torn to shreds.
Some things to keep in mind in order to avoid Balu's rib-crushing bear hug:
1) Keep your distance. Although Balu can outrun you with enough motivation, he’s rather lazy and a bit overweight, and so will only try to catch you if it won't leave him out of breath. Maintain a reasonable distance and you should be safe.
Some things to keep in mind in order to avoid Balu's rib-crushing bear hug:
1) Keep your distance. Although Balu can outrun you with enough motivation, he’s rather lazy and a bit overweight, and so will only try to catch you if it won't leave him out of breath. Maintain a reasonable distance and you should be safe.
Don't let Balu get this close. Seriously.
safely wrapped around a tree 2) Use your safeties. If you're the guy with the rope, always be ready to wrap it around a nearby tree or root, creating what's known as a "safety". A good safety can let you redirect the rope's pull and help keep Balu from going where he shouldn't. Although you'd have no hope of beating him in a full-on tug of war, the added friction of your safety should let you hold Balu back, keeping the other volunteers (and any surprised tourists) safe from harm. If Balu decides to make a mad dash toward you, on the other hand, that same safety is your only hope of escape. DO NOT LET GO OF THE ROPE as you make your retreat, since you'll need to pull in any slack made available as Balu approaches the safety. If you've done your job right, when the rope pulls tight you'll have more on your side of the safety than Balu has on his, and you'll be out of reach of his two-inch claws. Good luck!
oh shit, he's looking! 3) Don't fall down. Balu's trail is tricky, packed full of roots, rocks, loose soil and mud. Although it may require you to be a regular jungle-ninja (the adrenaline can work wonders here), don't fall down. Balu always knows when you've lost your footing and will often exploit the opportunity and seize the low-hanging fruit you've become.
4) RUN. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution should mean that this isn't a conscious decision; there's a bear running toward you, RUN! Try to run in a straight line directly away, because no matter how fast you think you are, BALU IS FASTER (unless maybe if you’re from Kenya). Sometimes you may find it helpful to throw your body down a nearby hill, as gravity may give you enough of a lead to convince Balu it's not worth his effort (he doesn't quite grasp physics).
4) RUN. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution should mean that this isn't a conscious decision; there's a bear running toward you, RUN! Try to run in a straight line directly away, because no matter how fast you think you are, BALU IS FASTER (unless maybe if you’re from Kenya). Sometimes you may find it helpful to throw your body down a nearby hill, as gravity may give you enough of a lead to convince Balu it's not worth his effort (he doesn't quite grasp physics).
Don't panic
no real harm done, see? Okay, Balu's finally managed to outsmart you and you're now on the receiving end of a passionate but unenjoyable bear hug. Don't panic and DO NOT try to fight back; you will lose. If Balu really wanted to, his razor-sharp claws and powerful jaw full of bone-crunching teeth would have your entrails spread out on the jungle floor in seconds... keep your cool and don’t give him a reason to do this. Instead, exploit the fact that he's got a relatively weak neck and firmly grab hold of his cheeks, calmly using your full strength to keep his mouth from locking on your flailing appendages. As you're working on this, your teammates (assuming they haven't fled the scene and saved themselves) should be gaining control of the rope and establishing a safety, preventing Balu from following you on your slow but steady retreat. Bit by bit, do your best to back up out of his grasp, and with any luck you'll soon find yourself in one piece, curled up on the jungle floor in a sweaty but relieved heap with your heart leaping from your chest and your clothes ripped to shreds ("but that was my favourite pair of jungle tights!"). If this fails, your teammates can attempt to distract Balu with a snack, which he’ll hopefully decide is more delicious than you. On a related note, don’t keep any food in your pockets.
It's his party and he'll cry if he wants to
crying session #6942 You're here to give Balu a much-needed break from his depressingly tiny enclosure, so unless he's doing something he really shouldn't be doing (such as heading down the road into town or devouring a coca-filled Bolivian tourist) let Balu to take the lead. For the most part, what this means is that you're strolling through the jungle at a snail's pace while Balu takes his time sniffing every leaf, tasting every pile of jungle mud, resting and observing his surroundings at every bench or fallen log, and taking the occasional couple-hour nap after a hearty meal of peanuts, bananas, pineapple or coconut. It should also be noted that, for an adult male bear, Balu spends far too much time "crying", during which he lies down on his belly, puts his front paws together, and nuzzles in his snout while making a pathetic, Chewbacca-like moaning sound. The reasons behind this are a bit of a mystery, though it reminds me of an upset little boy sucking his thumb, and given that Balu’s mother and sister were both killed while he was just a few months old, I guess I don't blame him. Be patient and let him cry it out, he’ll soon be back on his feet and up to his usual tricks.
Communicate clearly with your team
Since the trail is so full of tripping hazards, overgrowth, slippery ups and downs, and twists and turns, it's not always possible to keep an eye on Balu. Part of the team’s job is therefore to constantly vocalize what Balu's up to, clearly announcing, "walking slow... resting... climbing... walking fast... sniffing... eating mud... crying... RUNNING!!!!!!!! RUNNINNNNNNGGGG!" Even if you can't make out the exact words due to distracting jungle noises or silly English accents (I’m talking to YOU, Ali), the inherent urgency of the tone used should suffice.
"ssshhhh... he's sleeeeeping..."
Enjoy the breaks
break time! Despite how stressful it can be at times while working with Balu, a typical day will include a handful of breaks, lasting anywhere from ten minutes to two or three hours. Take this time to appreciate the serene beauty of the surrounding jungle and the general absurdity of your situation (you're walking a frickin' bear!). You may find it helpful to bring along a book to pass the time during Balu's longer jungle-naps. If you're lucky, a group of roaming spider monkeys will pop in for a visit, providing their special form of tree-jumping, vine-swinging, lap-cuddling entertainment. Savour these moments, knowing that at any second Balu will be back on his feet and raring to go.
Go for it!
this seems crazy now, but somehow felt right at the time
Alright, you're as ready as you'll ever be, go for it! As crazy as the experience promises to be, you're bound to come out of it with some exciting stories, great new friends, a new appreciation for hiking at your own pace, and maybe even some badass scars to show off to your friends back at home.
Good luck, and may Balu only catch you on his happy days,
~ Mandrew
Good luck, and may Balu only catch you on his happy days,
~ Mandrew
Balu Photos
To open above photo slideshow in a new window, click here.
Related Posts
If you liked this story, be sure to check out:
RSS Feed