I can’t blame any of you for not knowing the proper way to celebrate New Year’s Eve, because until just a few days ago we too were in the dark. But, now having lived through the festivities in Guayaquil, Ecuador’s biggest city, we feel we must share with you what is clearly the correct way to go about it. Follow these five simple steps, and we're sure you, too, will agree.
¡Prospero Año!
Mandrew & Chelsea
¡Prospero Año!
Mandrew & Chelsea
Step One: Prepare
As one would imagine, a reasonable amount of work needs to go into getting ready for a serious celebration like this. On this front, I’m sure we’re all aware of the obvious: stock up on liquor, invite friends over, buy some snacks, etc. What I will focus on, however, are the things that will transform the event from something like an afternoon tea with your grandmother to, well, something like an Ecuadorian-style New Year’s Eve celebration. You will need to procure the following:
- Fireworks. A ridiculous amount of fireworks. Big ones, small ones, loud ones, bright ones – buy them all. Buy out the entire store.
- At least two litres of accelerant, gasoline will do the job. If you don’t have an approved gas container, have no fear – a plastic soft drink bottle is perfect.
- A paper mache model of your favourite character. Bonus points if you make your own. Extra bonus points if it’s really huge or ridiculous.
- A reliable lighter … I think you know where this is going.
 |  bringing home the goods |
Step Two: Eat, Drink, and be Merry
Alright, you’ve got everything ready nice and early, why not get out and enjoy the afternoon before the serious stuff starts? Remember to bring along some dinero so you can buy treats from the many street vendors. Popular choices are beer or sangria, and if you’re thinking, “but it’s too early to start drinking!” then I recommend you keep your thoughts to yourself.
If you want to make it to midnight without a half-time nap, however (one of us may have failed in this respect) remember to have a bite to eat. Popular choices here are candied apples, corn on the cob, patacones (fried plantains with cheese), ceviche (seasoned raw fish marinated in lemon juice), a variety of street meats and, if you’re in the mountainous region of Ecuador, guinea pig on a stick.
Step Three: Size up the competition
It’s a bit tough to tell as an outsider, but it seems to me a big part of the New Year’s celebration is outdoing your neighbours. While you’re out and about, observe others’ paper mache figures and hope that yours are better (it’s not too late to pick up a couple more if need be). For those who have gone and built something to be proud of, find a good public place to put it on display. This is also a good opportunity to make yourself heard and send out a message – something like a political cartoon seems to get the most attention here, especially if it’s shocking or grotesque.
If you’re taking part in the unofficial neighborhood fireworks competition, start heading home after dark. It’s customary to start things off with a bunch of teasers: starting around 8pm, light off a few random fireworks every 15 to 20 minutes. This is kind of like revving your engine before a street race, just to show everyone you mean business. Don’t go too crazy here, the real thing starts at midnight.
Step Four: Light ‘em up!
The big moment’s almost here! With a couple minutes to spare, move the party out onto the street (you wouldn’t want to make a mess of your own property or anything). Place your paper mache creation in the middle of the road for all to see, and at the stroke of midnight, soak it in gasoline and light it up! Once the initial *woof* is over, take advantage of the flames and throw in handfuls of “banger” style fireworks. While dodging the shrapnel, throw in handfuls more.
Before too long, most of the paper will be consumed and the fire will die down – fight this by adding more gasoline and any other combustibles within reach (fallen leaves, newspaper, cardboard boxes, BURN IT ALL!!). To stumble on this scene as an inexperienced bystander would be truly frightening, something like how I'd imagine a full-scale city-wide riot. Fires everywhere in the streets, constant sounds not unlike gunshots, people screaming…
Once everyone’s begun to lose interest in the dying flames, it’s time to kick the fireworks into high gear. A propane torch, or in the very least, a barbecue lighter may save you painful thumb blisters here. Mix things up as you launch, since style seems to count for something – although the main priority is clearly pure stamina. Make sure you pace yourselves – the last thing you want is for your show to climax and then find that your neighbour has still got a load in reserve (unless you’re lucky enough to be prepared to climax multiple times). Plan on keeping the show going for at least a couple of hours, and make sure you save some of the loudest for the end. It seems to me the main goal here is to make sure everyone else knows that YOUR party is going later than theirs, and if they’ve thrown in the towel and are lying in bed, you’re doing your best to make sure they can’t possibly fall asleep.
Step 5: Recover
Ssshhhhh. It’s the next afternoon and the city is sleeping. Go back to bed.
Guayaquil Photos
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